| There are 30 comments on this blog. This blog is locked and no further comments are permitted. |
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The rules said no comments or embarrassment. You did both and you want the points?
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You're a miserable asshole. I am done with this blog. You ruined it.
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That was very mean of Jack to ruin this guy's blog.
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I don't like negativity Jack. I'll make you a deal. I will tell you a joke you never heard before and you tell us a joke that makes us laugh. I think there are more democrats on hx so here you go:
A republican and democratic candidates debated for hours with no clear winner. The moderator said that he was going to ask one last and simple question that would determine the winner. He started with the republican candidate and asked him, how many pumpkins can you carry? He replied I can carry 3 of them. The moderator asked him..how would you do that? He replied I would carry one on my right hand, one on my left hand and one on my dick. The moderator turned to the democratic candidate and said..I think it would be hard to beat him now. The democratic candidates replied not all. I can carry 5 of them. The moderator said 5??? How would you do that? He replied I would carry one on my left hand, one on my right hand and the republican candidate on my dick.
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I think Jack is the republican candidate ).gif)
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A veteran gorilla hunter is training his new assistant on how they get gorillas that have climbed up in a tree. He hands him a loaded gun. Then he gets a 90 lbs Rottweiler out of his kennel. Then he goes on to explain...
"When we have a gorilla in a tree I'll go up and wrestle them out of the tree. As soon as the gorilla hits the ground Cujo (the dog) is trained to bite thier nut sack and not let go."
"While the gorilla is occupied with trying to keep his nuts from getting bit, you shoot the gorilla"
The trainee says he understands as the veteran hunter starts to climb the tree.
Soon there is a big commotion up in the tree. The trainee can't see what's going on because of all the leaves, but it sure sounds intense. Suddenly, he sees a figure falling to the ground, and he unleashes the dog, only to realize a second later that it isn't the gorilla but it's the hunter.
Unfortunately, the fall kills the hunter on impact.
Later, at the hunters funeral the trainee is talking to the hunters widow and she asks him what her husbands last words were...
The trainee says to her "All he kept saying the whole way down was "SHOOT THE DOG! SHOOT THE DOG!"
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Wow. I did not even almost laugh at any of those. Seriously. Not even almost funny.
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Horse walks into a bar. Bartender says: "Why the long face?"
As simple and old as it is, it is still funny. Humor needs to be simple. Unless you get paid. And none of you are getting paid.
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A dictator who thought he would never die was told on his dying bed that people came to say goodbye. He replied why? Where are they going?
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Jack got 3 pumpkins
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Guy walks into a plastic surgeons offices and says "I need a new dick my wife cut mine off"Doc says " well I only got 3 left, a wooden one, a plastic one and a 20ft long one" Guy says "I'll take the plastic one" Second guy comes in same thing guy says "I'll take the wooden one"
Third guy same thing guy gets 20ft long. First guy comes back says "I want a refund" Doc says "What's wrong"
Guy says "everytime I have sex with my wife it squeaks" Second guy "i want a refund" Doc "What's wrong"
Guy "Everytime i have sex with my wife she gets splinters" Third guy "I don't want a refund" Doc "Oh good glad it's working out" Guy says "Hell yeah, you see that lady waaaaaayyyyy over there? Uhhhh got her.
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A Man Walks Into a Bar...
he leans over and says to the bartender, "Hey, will you give me a free beer if I show you something so amazing that I can guarantee you've never seen it before?"
The bartender says, "Okay, but it had better be good."
The man reaches into his coat pocket and pulls out a hamster. He sets the hamster down on the bar. It scurries about, jumps off the end, turns a perfect somersault in midair, and lands on the piano. He then begins to dance across the keys, playing the piano beautifully. The bartender says, "Wow! That was truly incredible! Have a beer."
The man finishes his beer and says to the bartender, "Hey, if I show you something else that is so amazing I can guarantee you've never seen before, will you give me another free beer?"
"If it's as amazing as that hamster, then sure," the bartender replies.
So the man reaches into his other coat pocket and pulls out a frog. He sets the frog down on the bar, and the frog begins to sing beautifully. The bartender is again amazed, and the man earns another beer.
As the man is drinking his beer, a guy at the other end of the bar walks over and says, "What a performer! I'll give you $500 for that frog."
The first man says, "It’s a deal!" and sells the guy his frog. The bartender shakes his head slowly. "Not that it's any of my business, mind you, but that was a real, live singing frog. Why would you sell it for only $500? You could have made millions off of it."
The man says, "Nah, don't worry. The hamster's also a ventriloquist."
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Knock knock.
Who's there?
Deja.
Deja who?
Knock knock.
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Trump, Putin & Jinping went hiking and got lost. A genie came at night and told them he could make one wish, and one wish only, come true for each one. Genie looked at Putin first. Putin said I want to go back to Moscow. Genie said close your eyes and you will be there when you open it. Genie looked at Jinping next. Jinping said I want to go back to Beijing. Genie said close your eyes and you will be there when you open it. Genie looked at Trump and waited for a while. Trump finally said I don't want to be here alone..bring them back.
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A doctor says to his patient, "I have bad news and worse news."
"Oh dear, what's the bad news?" asks the patient.
The doctor replies, "You only have 24 hours to live."
"That's terrible", said the patient. "How can the news possibly be worse?"
The doctor replies, "I've been trying to contact you since yesterday."
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This one always makes me LMAO
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C3PBiF5W54E
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Another Genie joke:
Two men are out fishing when one decides to to have a smoke. He asks the other guy if he has a lighter. He replies: Yes I do...and hands him a 10 inch Bic lighter. Surprised the guy asks: Where did you get this? He replied: I have a personal Genie but he can only make one wish come true. Surprised even more the guy asks: Can I make a wish? He replied: Yes! Just make sure that you speak clearly because he doesn't hear well. Here you go. He rubs a lamb and a Genie appears and asks the man what he wants. Tell me your wish master says the Genie. I want a million bucks!! Your wish is my command...and a million ducks flew over their heads. The guy says your Genie really doesn't hear well. He replied I told you so. Do you really think that I asked for a 10 inch Bic?
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Yo mamas so poor I walked into your house smoking a cigarette and she said "clap them hands, stomp them feet, praise the lord we got some heat"
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Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says, "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence; then a gun shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says, "OK, now what?
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Three inmates on death row went for their execution. One of them was completely stoned. They asked the first one: Do you wanna die by hanging or by the electric chair? He said: I wanna die by the electric chair. He sat down and it didn't work so they said you're free to go home. They asked the second one: Do you wanna die by hanging or by the electric chair? He said: I wanna die by the electric chair. He sat down and it didn't work again so they said you're free to go home. They asked the stoned guy: Do you wanna die by hanging or by the electric chair? He said: I wanna die by hanging. Everyone started to tell him to chose the electric chair. He said: It's not working.
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So far the best joke came from Jack!!!
That foo was the funniest!!
FX points should go to him
The rest of you got the hook like at the Apollo!!!
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DipShit and buch of negative comments are funny?
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..not to mention threats!
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Two buddies are camping in the forest
One goes to a bush to take a piss and gets bit on the head of his dick by a poisonous snake.
They are both in a panic because they don't know what to do, so the second guy gets out his field manual and turns to the first aid section. He begins reading about snake bite and sees that the only treatment is to suck out the venom. After a long silence the first guy yells "what does it say?"
The second guys says to him... "it says you're going to die"
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The joke is if you never heard this Eddie Murphy joke. A bear and a rabbit are taking a shit in the woods. The bear turns to the rabbit and says: Excuse me! Do you have problems with shit sticking to your fur? The rabbit says: No! So the bear wiped his ass with the rabbit.
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A guy goes to the doctor and has a blood test. He tells him to come back the next day for the results. He arrives at the Dr's office the next morning. After a couple of minutes, the Dr walks into the room and says " Well, first thing sir is, you're going to have to stop masturbating!" He says, "why, what did the results say?"
"I don't know yet, but, you're in the waiting room and you're scaring all my other patients!!"
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Why do blondes wear condoms on their ears? So they don't have to get hearing AIDS
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What does a blonde's right leg says to her left one? Nothing..they never met
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A blonde was speeding in a 35 mile per hour zone when a local police officer pulled her over and walked up to the car.
The officer also happened to be a blonde and she asked for the blonde's driver's license.
The driver searched frantically in her purse for a while and finally said to the blonde policewoman, "What does a driver's license look like?" Irritated, the blonde cop said, "You dummy, it's got your picture on it!"
The blonde driver frantically searched her purse again and found a small, rectangular mirror down at the bottom.
She held it up to her face and said, "Aha!
This must be my driver's license" and handed it to the blonde policewoman.
The blonde cop looked in the mirror, handed it back to the driver and said, "You're free to go.
And, if I had known you were a police officer too, we could have avoided all of this."
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And the winners are: We have a tie between Ashley & Nacraman so they both get a 1000 FXPoint each. Have a good night everyone and thank you for your participation  .
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| There are 30 comments on this blog. This blog is locked and no further comments are permitted. |
