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Why do witches stay in 5 star hotels?
Because they have excellent broom service.
Totally googled that.
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Why is Dave Grohl getting a chicken to replace Taylor Hawkins? Because he has his own drumsticks...
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How do you spot a blind man on a nude beach?
It’s not hard.
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So, yeah, I once dated a chick that had a twin. It was cool. People would always ask me how I could tell them apart.
It wasn't that difficult, really.
Jessica always had french manicure on her hands, and well, Tommy had a cock.
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#1
Sarah Jessica Parker and a horse walked into a bar.
The bartender looked at them and said, "Hey fellas, why the long faces?"
#2
When Sarah Jessica Parker comes over, hide the apples and peppermints!
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What’s the difference between a tribe of pygmies and a women’s track team? A tribe of pygmies is a bunch of cunning runts.
What’s the difference between an epileptic oyster shucker and a hooker with diarrhea? An epileptic oyster shucker shucks between fits.
What do you call a truck full of vibrators? Toys-4-Twats.
The ultimate male chauvinist joke: What’s the best way to give a woman an orgasm? Answer: who cares!
Ultimate feminist joke: what do you call the extra skin around a penis? Answer: a man.
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From The Irish Post:
Paudie goes into a bar and orders seven shots of tequila and one Guinness.
The barman lines up shots and goes to get the Guinness.
When he comes back with the pint, all seven shots are gone.
The barman says: "Wow! You sure drank those fast."
Paudie explains: "You would drink fast too if you had what I have."
The barman asks: "What do you have?"
The guy reaches into his pocket and says: "Fifty cents!"
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From reddit:
A wealthy lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw two women along the roadside eating grass. Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate. He asked one women, "Why are you eating grass?"
"We don't have any money for food," the poor women replied. "We have to eat grass."
"Well then, you can come with me to my house and I'll feed you," the lawyer said.
"But sir, I have a husband and two children with me. They are over there, under that tree."
"Bring them along," the lawyer replied. Turning to the other poor women he stated, "You come with us also."
The second women, in a pitiful voice then said, "But sir, I also have a husband and SIX children with me!"
"Bring them all, as well," the lawyer answered. They all entered the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limousine
Once underway, one of the poor fellows turned to the lawyer and said, "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you."
The lawyer replied, "Glad to do it. You'll really love my place; the grass is almost a foot high!"
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A woman walks out of the shower, winks at her boyfriend, and says, "Honey, I shaved myself down there. Do you know what that means?" The boyfriend says, "Yeah, it means the drain is clogged again."
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What do you get when you jingle Santa's balls?
A white Christmas!
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Lmao u guys rule ty so much.
I’m having a rough day lol nice to laugh a little to help ease the frustration I guess
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What do you get when you cross a dick with a potato?
A dictator!
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a deaf couple just started to live together and are trying to sort out how to let the other know when they want to have sex while in bed with the lights off.
the woman signs... when you want to have sex squeeze my breast twice for yes and once for no.
the man signs... when you want to have sex pull my dick once for yes and 50 times for no.
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Last one for tonight, then off to flirting...lol
What did one butt cheek say to the other?
Together, we can stop this crap.
).gif)
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What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?
lick-a-lot-o-puss
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| There are 15 comments on this blog. |
