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Dec 27 2023 04:45PM
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Eye Strain, attention spans and verbosity
No one has ever accused me of being the silent type. I do on occasion brood, but, pity the soul who obliges social niceties and asks what’s in my mind. Droning on and on is never my intention and if the listener is able to physically cue me, if not get a word in edge wise, I’m quick to wrap it up Oscar style. In the interest of those who are offended by, perhaps because they lack the ability, having to read in excess of ten lines of text, I’ll cut to the meat of this post, simply put: nobody asked you to read it, you chose to, it’s a blog, not an ad, or a 976-chicks line. Ii choose to write more than: Heyyyyy, morning check in!! Who’s having pancakes, and wants to Uber me for breakfast??
If everybody’s doing it, why the hell should I?
Plus, I’m always more interested in people who are interesting enough, to be interested.
3 comments
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Dec 26 2023 12:11PM
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Eddie Elf
Eddy Elf sat in the most prominent spot of the mantle of my grandmothers fireplace 365 days a year. He was one of those Cupid doll faced, dressed in green tights, and a red jumper with a Santa hat, and pointy black, toe curled shoes with bells on them. He wasn�t just a Christmas decoration that my grandmother forgot to take down. He had a place in my family. Almost beyond holiday tradition, Eddie elf, brought Christmas day into every day in my grandmother�s home. Now I want to make it clear that my family really is not in anyway, religious actually, and although we did attend services on Christmas Eve, it was more of an American social conditioning rather than somebody doing it for the sake of their ever loving soul. Anyhow, Eddie elf was a good 2 feet in length, my grandfather acquired it at a store called Woolworths, I�m not sure if any of them exist anymore, but it was a general store, he brought it home in the first year of their marriage together. And as anybody can attest the first year of marriage is always kind of funky working everything out getting used to being around somebody 24/7 etc. My grandmother, no doubt needed a little holiday pick me up. So my grandfather brought home Eddie elf and told her that he was the elf of all things giftgiving during the holidays, but the best part was, that the rest of the year, his special powers could be used when you just needed a break. When you just needed that day off. Or a reason to order out on Tuesday night. or a reason to sleep in till noon and let the days events take place without you and nobody could be mad at you because, that was your Eddie elf day. And his power reaches throughout the year. I finally got my own elf who is much smaller than my grandmother�s. My uncle is in possession of him since her passing. I�ve made no bones about the fact that Eddie, is coming to me when he no longer occupies this earth. But until then I have my own miniature eddie elf, who presides over Holiday giftgiving and every other day too when you just need a break.
A sidenote, about the abuse of Eddie�s powers. Eddie�s powers become less and less effective. In the sense that when you�re unable to participate regularly in scheduled life, because you�re employing Eddie elf day every ninth and 17th and 28th day of the month. The power and magic that he has to make that hooky day once in a while magical occurrence that holds little repercussions, that power and magic begins to fade and consequences sometimes kinda shitty, do creep up through. No fault of Eddie elf�s. I mean, let�s be real, too much fucking cake is always too much fucking cake. Sweetness is best often tasted but never overused. Just sayin�.
5 comments
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Dec 26 2023 11:48AM
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When it’s the thought that counts, and there is no thought involved………
Dear sacred Eddie elf, deity Of all things gifted this holiday, please please please be in the heart of those sweet gift givers, who might think that alcohol from the 99 Cents store, is a gesture of Grand proportions, and instead help them understand that there’s nothing that says that you care more than being on time, smelling clean and manly amazing, smiling that sexy man smile that drives me wild the whole time we’re together. I sure didn’t get a lot of that this holiday. I’ll just be honest my stocking is a little bit unstuffed. Disappointing, I know. My tree is still up. My lights are still lit. In fact, I plan on keeping this noble fur that was 100+ dollars at freaking Home Depot, Erected for the full 12 days of Christmas. So please, Mr. Eddie elf, Christmas is still hanging on at my house, and I’m still your biggest fan Eddie elf. You’re the best!
Love,
Jo
(See my blog entitled Eddy Elf for the origins of him, I recommend picking up an Eddie Elf of your own, asap! )
6 comments
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May 31 2022 09:19PM
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The shower scenario
One of my favorite spots in my house is the north west corner of my shower. It's cause the things that get done to my body while being pressed In to that corner, leg hooked over a bent knee on the tub lip, fingers inside me, tongue on my neck, my arms wrapped around his neck as I shake, are burnt into my mind and ruminate there until pressure forces them to pop to the surface. It always happens that I'm standing in a very quiet yet public setting, and the memory flashes and my breath hitches and I flush, sure that everyone else saw what my mind showed me. If only you could show what we see in our minds eye to people like you share a screen shot. Like, daddy I want you to do this to me. Or baby, I like it like THIS. I imagine the satisfaction level would double amongst those who had an open mind.
9 comments
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